Need editing or checking my 4 pages, fixing grammar or to be better
Since I started this course, I realize how it will be challenging for me, first of all, I am an international freshman English major, so English is my second language. I thought, in the beginning, it will be easy, and I can do it as the native speakers, but unfortunately my scores don’t show that. I got difficulty with writing that much of papers and found it challenging. I said I will do my best and will work hard I might succeed and pass. I tried and squeezed my brain in hope to do better and better.
I started my CNF draft by telling a story of my young brother Yousef, who has rare condition illness. Just 300 statues in the whole world, I explained more about how our life as a family has changed before Yousef been a member of the family and after. Yousef adorable, kind and quiet child, who spends most of his life in hospitals. I hope to find the right medical treatment to this issue. I explained more about how our life was affected, how I had to leave everything behind me, as my country Saudi Arabia, my friends, my memories, and latterly everything. You can imagine how hard it could be.
Some of the comments that I had in my first CNF drafts were about where are you in the story? Why we can’t see you between the lines? I thought, in the beginning, I just want to tell the story that has a high meaning to me I could not deliver what I was feeling exactly. People can’t feel the way that you feel except if they went at the same situation that you went through. So they will understand why you wrote this and this. I was thinking about starting my CNF by saying “ there was a family included two brothers and two sisters” Which I am one of the sisters who is writing the story. But readers could not get what I was trying to do, the feedback was always asking for my feelings, and my voice not for someone telling a story about someone else.
To be honest, it was tough to rewrite it again and again, but I had to, so I can include my voice in the story to be able to deliver my character to the reader. I took their feedback seriously. So I made my final draft shorter than the second draft. I feel satisfied with my final draft. I could give a clear idea of the kind of transformation that my family and I had before and after Yousef’s illness. Also, I could put my voice as well so the reader will understand what was my feeling at those moments.
I decided to change the topic of the story from The Child Yousef into a Life Transformation. I thought it would be better at this way. Not being specific will give the reader that question in the heads before reading the story which is what kind of life transformation it could be? So this is the reason for seeing the topic is different in the first and second draft that in the final draft.
I included a lot of dialogues in my CNF I think they give life to your story and realism. I know it is hard to remember everything precisely happened in the past, but it is not hard to remember the general idea so that you can make up a little bit on your own. Writing this story especially, was emotional and took me back to happy and sad moments. I was crying while writing some of the moments; I loved how writing can take you back to days that you thought you forgot about them.
I shared this story with my family, and I could see their reaction, they are the one who can feel exactly what I meant in each word I wrote. They were thankful to me for writing about Yousef. As an international student, I think I did a good job and could transparently deliver my voice. I am proud of doing these papers; I learned a lot. As don’t be afraid of learning new things. We were born to learn, improve, and challenge ourselves no matter where you are or what you had to live. It was fun writing these papers and challenging in the same way.
Writing poems was new for me mainly in English, as I said my first language is Arabic so I had no idea about how people can write poems. I used to believe that Writing poems had to come from a person who is talented with writing. I thought not anyone will be able to write poems if he doesn’t have the interest in poems.
I said in the beginning that is impassable, and I will never be able to do it, but I found my self in the end with more than six poems which were surprising to me. The first poem called (lonely).
I was sitting on my couch blanket over me and no one around. I opened my laptop and starting to think about the topic. I typed lonely then I start typing and typing, I found that I put my feelings on that day on the screen. I was lonely far away from my home and family. Worst feeling ever. Also having no friends in a foreign country is another thing.
This poem might give you the idea that I am a negative person or someone who is just seeing the world black and white, but I am not. I am that person who loves being surrounded by people. The family is very important to me, and the idea of living far away from them made me feel this way. Also when Dr. Black asked us to pick one of the poems to do a revise of it, I chose this poem. I wanted to rewrite it in another form which called Emotion Form. An emotion form “is used to describe various emotions, good or bad, using descriptive language.”
Sharifah poem which is about my mom most of my classmates when they read it they gave me a positive feedback. They said I have to use it in my portfolio. Writing a poem about my mom is not a huge thing because she deserves more and more. It was not difficult to form it is actually “a bio poem is used to reveal information to the reader about the poet.” You need to put the first name of the person in the first line that you want to write about then in the second, third, fourth and fifth lines you just start describing who and what kind is this person. In the last line, you put the last name of the person as I did.
The last Poem which I did not like it that much because I thought it sounds like someone who is just talking about something, but then one of my classmates after reading it loud she said I like it. It has a big meaning and a message behind it and clears to understand. I explained the reason for choosing racism word to write a poem about it. The is something bothering me so much since I came to the united states. Everywhere I go I hear about this topic, in the news, books, classes, and the social media.
To be honest, I did not hear about this word in my country, and I did not see it anywhere. I kept asking my self why it is a big deal if we were different from each other? What is the point? Why born with a different color or religion as an issue? I researched racism in the United States, and I found that there was a history in the past between black and white. Hating someone just because of his color is crazy. Also these days there are problems with Muslims. I realized how short poem could explain what you feel especially in free vires. You have the opportunity to put your feelings on a small sheet of paper. You could find the poem on the page (24) if you were interested to read it. I wish you can get the idea that I am trying to deliver.
Writing a critique is a new thing for me. It is the first time doing it. I thought it doesn’t add anything to the writer or the reader, but I was wrong. It is helpful if you want to improve your skills in writing and thinking. Finding small things that can help the writer and you can see things he or she can’t see them. As a reader first I could see the beautiful and robust area in the story also I could see the weak area that needed to be fixed.
It was quiet difficult for me to understand few things but I had to read it again and again, so I can understand what did the writer meant. I had also to translate few words from English to Arabic, so it helped me somehow. In general, I think was the most challenging thing is how to tell the writer about things that needed to be improved but in a polite way. I am not trying to be rude or something; I did not want to deliver my opinion in a wrong way. I tried my best to write it academically.
I enjoyed reading the play and here what I end up my paper “Am confident that his write-up covers all the elements of the play. I desire that this play is developed and given a proper theatre direction. I believe it will be very awesome. For literature performance, we’ve got a long way to go. I am really in love with the story”